Forever Shuri
by Viper-Rock
Summary: They were glad they were twins, but it made it so much harder to love each other. Shuri's PoV.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Chapter 1

We were glad we were twins. It helped us hide the truth, once we realized it ourselves. The incredible closeness we shared could be passed off as part of the nature of being twins. That near mythical level of understanding that could only be achieved by spending every moment of your existence together.

The real reason for our closeness was something we finally figured out when we reached high school. A girl who liked to watch the kendo club practice confessed her love to Shuusuke, and he turned her down. After that, he was awkward around me, careful of what he did and said.

I didn't like the way he was careful to put distance between us, and I knew something was bothering him. I was afraid I'd done something, hurt him somehow, or angered him. When I demanded answers, I learned I was wrong. It was something _he'd _done that he was afraid to tell me.

He couldn't hide it from me forever, and he was terrified what I would do when he did.

"I love you, and I'm _in love_ with you." The words tore out of him, a storm of emotion escaping with them.

Hearing that, it was truly understandable, how he'd been acting. How he would take a step away from me when I leaned against him, when before he would lean on me as well. How he was careful to never let any contact linger. He stopped stealing his favorite parts of my lunch, and blushed when I stole from his.

We were twins. How could he love me, that way? It barely took me half a moment to realize it wasn't any different than loving anyone else, and dismiss the problem. I knew I loved him. And even if I wasn't _in love_ with him just yet, I knew I could easily reach that point.

I know he didn't expect the kiss I laid on his cheek, as he sat on his bed, fists clenched in self hatred and terror. I know he didn't expect the following kiss on his lips, as he stared at me in amazement that I didn't hate him. I know because Shuusuke, the crybaby, started crying, and all he said before going to sleep that night was a quiet "Thank you".

For a while, nothing changed. The understanding of how we truly loved each other slowly sank in, and the occasional kisses never led to anything more.

But we had to wake up to reality at some point. When Hoshino confessed to me, that she loved me, and had for quite some time, I thought she was joking. She wasn't. And after that, Shuusuke and I started to worry. What would we do if someone noticed that neither of us ever dated, but we always had time for each other? We both thought the practical solution would be to date once or twice, to keep up appearances. But neither one of us could bear the idea of being disloyal to the other, even for both of our sakes. Even the illusion of dishonesty was enough to burn.

What we had together, despite society's stigmas, was _pure_. It was good. And after Hoshino's confession, and our refusal to heed the commands of society, we took it to the next level.

We were innocent, that first time, and so careless. Almost, almost, we got caught, but when our father looked into my room, and saw Shuusuke, with his arms around me, his first question was if I'd had a nightmare. My sigh of relief must have seemed a sob to him, and as Shuusuke's arms tightened around my shoulders, he merely nodded to the two of us, and left us to "comfort" each other.

We were infinitely more careful after that. And we were... happy, despite the pressure put upon us by our father and step-mother.

Then Sana came back, and we were even happier. The five of us, all together again. It was unbelievable that Sana had managed to forget Nanaka's face, though. He's such a dork, I had to feel sorry for him, the way he just kept digging himself into deeper trouble.

It was almost scary, though, to go out together, all of us sharing the same adventures, after he had been gone for so long. Without him, the other four of us hadn't remained quite as close. We were still good friends, but it didn't resonate as strongly without him there. Sana's return meant those bonds would reassert themselves, and with all of us getting close again, Shuusuke and I might get discovered in an unguarded moment.

Our fears were unfounded, though. Everything was fine. Everything was great, even with Sana and Nanaka's drama.

And then... And then it got bad. The letter was delivered to the school. Someone claimed to have seen Shuusuke and I entering a love hotel. We were horrified, terrified, shaken to the bone and angered. It was the anniversary of our mother's death, and someone was accusing us of going into a love hotel _together_.

And the worst part was that it was true. We _had_ gone to a love hotel. Our need for comfort, with the stress of living with our father and the pain of remembering our mother, had outweighed our usual caution. There was a perfectly good chance that we _had_ been seen. When I heard the contents of that letter, my heart stopped in my chest, for just an instant.

I jumped straight into outrage, trying but failing to skip simple denials that could so easily be turned against us, but the vice-principal's questions and doubt knocked me off balance. It shouldn't have surprised me, after the way he'd treated us in the past. Even Yuzuki-sensei's defense of us didn't hold much weight with the administration.

Still, when they said they believed me, the relief was indescribable.

When they said they were going to tell our parents, my world crumbled before my eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Chapter 2

Father hit Shuusuke as soon as we walked in the door. I can't say I didn't expect it, and I'm pretty sure it was the same for Shuusuke. After the way Father had slapped me over that petition... This was a much bigger threat, in comparison, and I was afraid of how he might react.

Kneeling at Shuusuke's side, I was hardly paying attention to Father's words, utterly focused on getting out of there in one piece, and without Shuusuke flying off the handle. I hardly bothered to defend us to Father, and held Shuusuke back from lunging forward fists first. There was nothing we could say that could make this better, and if we didn't watch ourselves, there was so much we could say or do to make it worse. We escaped to our rooms as soon as possible, as father moaned about the trouble we caused him.

I collapsed onto my floor, and wrapped my arms around my knees, back against my bed. I just wanted this all over, done with, made better somehow. Shuusuke didn't say anything, just sat next to me with an arm over my shoulders.

That night, we didn't dare share a bed, no matter how terrible we felt, no matter how restless we knew our sleep would be... No matter how much Shuusuke wanted to. Shuusuke was so desperate to comfort and be comforted, that I almost couldn't tell him to go to his own bed, but the chances of our father checking in on us after an accusation and fight like that were too high, and if he saw us together, the consequences didn't bear thinking about. I couldn't take the risk. If anything else went wrong, I didn't know if I'd be able to handle it.

As I drifted between exhaustion and restlessness that night, I thought I could almost hear my father standing outside my room. It was a good thing I'd made Shuusuke go back to his own bed. If Father found us sleeping together, after an accusation of incest, there was no telling what he might do. I always worried, when he checked on us at night, that he was coming to inform us of some wrongdoing, and we would be going to school with little sleep and fraying emotions. Somehow, though, that never actually happened.

When he finally walked away, I stared at the wall, deep in contemplation. There may not be a way to fix this problem, but I could sure as hell do my best to make it bearable. That didn't mean school would be any good though, if I didn't get any sleep.

As if arriving at school the next day wouldn't have been terrible enough, when we arrrived someone had drawn a love umbrella on the chalk board in class, which was just another blow on an already open and bleeding wound. I bolted from the room, and just ran. I needed to get away, despite Nanaka calling after me, and the sounds of Shuusuke raging inside the classroom behind me. The longer I ran, the more the shouts faded, though I could hear them echoing in my mind as clearly as I could see the love umbrella etched into my vision.

Eventually, I ended up on the roof, and I just stayed there. I couldn't go back into the building, and risk running into someone again. Sitting on a bench and staring up at the sky, I cried.

And that's where Shuusuke found me, some time later. I still had tears staining my cheeks, and Shuusuke's hands, however gentle they were on my face, clenched into white-knuckled fists when left idle. Somehow, despite his own distress, he convinced me to go back to class for the remainder of the day. I think he was just repeating something Sana had said to him, actually, about it being worse if we didn't stand up and face it. Shuusuke wasn't in any state to some up with something like that on his own. He couldn't be thinking any clearer than I was.

I made it through to the end of that impossibly long day somehow, in a kind of daze, my behaviour on autopilot. The teachers must have taken pity on me, because I don't remember being called upon for an answer even once that afternoon. Sana and Hoshino inviting me to come with them after class was a relief, a delay of the misery going home, where father was undoubtedly waiting, would bring.

The visit actually started out well. The easy banter we shared helped me to forget, for a short while, that my life was falling apart. I peeled apples, in my clumsy manner, until I managed to cut myself. Sana's strange behaviour after that still makes me wonder. I never did find out what made him run from the room like he did. I was glad Hoshino went after him, since he needed someone to look after him.

But then when Grandma Kaji started talking strangely, and picked up the knife with that terrible look in her eyes, everything became so much worse. I froze. My mind just went... blank. It had been such a long day that even with the relief my friends had provided, I just couldn't take anything else.

Waiting for Hoshino to get out of surgery was one of the longest waits of my life. And I couldn't stop myself from being grateful, every moment she was in there, that it was taking just that much longer for her to get out, and I was able to delay going home. A part of me wished she hadn't done it, so that I would be the one staying in the hospital, and I wouldn't have to face my father.

But it didn't last forever, and I was glad Hoshino made it out okay. Mostly okay, anyway. Getting home late that night just became a distillation of how horrible the entire day had been, all fed to me in one bitter pill.

Getting home that night, I found out just what my father's solution was to the awful rumours surrounding his children.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Chapter 3

He was sending me to London. The complete other side of the world. Away from home, friends, family... Away from Shuusuke, my lover, brother, and twin.

I couldn't stop myself from trying to argue. But when I recognized the way he was talking, the finality of his tone, I knew it was pointless. It was just like when he'd chosen to remarry. Shuusuke and I had no say in that matter. We would have no say in this one.

He kept saying it was for my own good. Maybe he'd even convinced himself of that. I don't think I even want to know the truth. But by the time I ran away in near hysterics, I could barely see to stumble away and run to my bedroom.

When Shuusuke followed me in, I clung to every scrap of comfort he offered. I was terrified. Frozen, just like I had been earlier that day. Mind locked into a downward spiral of failure to think of a way out.

It was Shuusuke who came up with a plan. Shuusuke who sacrificed his home, his friends, so that he could stay with me. Shuusuke was the one who saved me from the terror I was drowning in. Our hands clasped together on the half-unspoken promise, that in its entirety was simply "Forever, we'll be together." Despite father, society, doubts. We would let nothing come between us.

We visited Hoshino, at the hospital, and ran into Sana. I'm glad we got to spend time with him. I didn't know what it was, but I was sure something had happened to him in the five years he was away.

I wasn't sure what to think at first, when Hoshino held me back from leaving with Sana and Shuusuke. I thought maybe she wanted to tell me not to feel bad about her getting hurt, or something of the like. So it hurt, when Hoshino told me it had been her who sent the letter to the school. She hadn't even seen anything, she'd made it all up, purely out of spite, because she wanted to hurt me. Because I didn't love her the way she loved me.

My life, and Shuusuke's life, turned into a living hell because of her spite. Our lives made so unbearable even our best friends in the world couldn't make us stay. It didn't change anything, knowing who to blame for the drastic action we were having to take. Not really. We were still going to go through with our plan. Shuusuke and I were still going to run away. There was nothing we could do in the short time we had left to make up for the pain she'd caused us and that we'd caused her.

We put on a show of acting normal in front of our friends, though I don't think we did the best of jobs. Shuusuke just kept spacing out, acting like he was unaffected by it all, and I think that's what did it in the end. Sana and Shuusuke always did have a tight bond, were always able to read each other like open books, no matter what the circumstances.

If he had been just a few minutes faster, Sana would have been able to catch up to us. He might even have been able to convince us to stay, maybe. Watching him yell something at us from the riverside, that Shuusuke was somehow able to interpret, I couldn't help but feel sadness overwhelm me. We were going to be so lonely, just the two of us. We wouldn't be able to see our closest friends for years, if ever. I knew I would never forget them, though. Even Hoshino, with her cruelties against us, would hold a place in my heart. I will remember them as the life I could have had. Should have had.

We had each other. That would have to be enough. Siblings, lovers, soulmates. Shuusuke and I were two halves of a whole. And as the years passed, it was enough, most of the time. Sometimes I wished, for half a moment, half a day, that we could just go home, talk to our friends, see the old hangouts. Sometimes our promises to each other were tested, when we fought and argued, but with every fight our devotion to grew.

We didn't say anything to anyone, but when we finally went back to our hometown, just for a short visit, we were happy. And everyone else was happy, too. Seeing Nanaka up on stage again, ring on her finger, lifted a weight on my heart that I'd carried for not knowing if she would be okay. I knew we could count on Sana to take care of her. Aoi was as lively as ever, welcoming a subdued Hoshino to the event. Everything had turned out okay.

Despite the years we lost, and the bonds of friendship left hanging, I couldn't regret a single decision. It was our choices that had brought us to where we were. We could never live openly. But that wouldn't stop us from living happily. And if we did, one day, talk to our friends again, we were sure they would agree with us.


End file.
